(even) Hipper than usual

I’ve just sent this out to a few people (mostly workmates).  I know that people want to express their concern, and they’ll do it in the way they think is most appropriate, but right now I’m feeling uber-sensitive.  I was getting really angry, and I had to have a meditate on that to remember that, for me, anger is nearly always a result of fear.  I am bloody scared.  Weird symptoms of breaky bones, hallucinations (as benign as they are), and just not knowing where its all going. My normal attitude of being fascinated by the anatomy and biology of the issues I have has evaporated.

All the help in the world is there for me.  I just have to pray and accept it.  Around me the medical system is doing its level best, and my friends are, as ever, wonderful.  Look at the shit I fling them:


I’m sorry I’m not writing this as a personal email, because it is, but I’m sending it to a few of you.

Normally I’m quite lighthearted about things that affect me, but right now I seem to be having a bit of a sense of humour failure.  I’ve fallen off my bike again, and this time I might have broken my hip: I’ll find out after an MRI on Monday.  Yeah, I know me falling off my bike has been silly, but honestly, I shouldn’t be getting the kind of injuries you get in a serious car crash from what is effectively falling over.  I bumped into the kerb, and broke a really-hard-to-break bone.  Then I came off twice at walking pace, and suffered injuries that riders in the Tour get coming off at 50K!  I’ve had a couple of broken ribs in the last few years that have nothing to do with bicycles from slipping and falling oddly as well.

At the same time, I’m being tested for epilepsy after some odd neurological symptoms (EEG on Friday) and I’m kinda worried about that too.  In the mean time I’m not allowed to drive.

I’m just a bit more sensitive about it than normal – hence the sense of humour failure.  I don’t really want to talk about it much, but just get on with stuff.  I know, that’s not normally like me: I have no secrets, but this one is kinda personal, and I’d appreciate a bit of space.

I’m writing about this on my blog: http://mumbles.mojo.org if you are interested in the results.

This is probably just a bout of really bad luck.  In the mean time I’m in a lot of pain, and quite worried about it all.  Being told to “get off my bike” really doesn’t help.  Its hard to ride with what looks like a broken femur anyway 🙂

Apologies for all this self-important puff.  It was good for me to get it off my chest!

If you want to talk to me, just ring me or skype me (antonfangelo), so much nicer than email!  See you Monday.



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